This was originally posted April 9, 2019.
I thought I should update anyone wondering how my anxiety has been over the last year. I am so happy to say that I feel much better!
There are three reasons that contributed to this, in my opinion:
1. I relied on the Savior, Jesus Christ. I know many question (even I have at times) how one can rely on someone else that is not here on the Earth, that is seemingly dead and possibly non existent. I will tell you that my testimony of Him grew more during this time in my life than it ever had before. I spent much time in prayer, meditation, and scripture study. I joined my sister in law's Lent group (as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I don't typically participate in Lent) in which I truly studied the life of the Savior every day for 40 days. There were several days that meant more to me than others. If you're interested, I'll gladly share them with you. But, I can say that Jesus Christ is not dead. He is very much alive and He has such a desire to help ease your burdens, regardless of your membership in any church. I know that He carried me through my experience with anxiety.
2. I talked with a therapist. I didn't know if speaking with someone would really help me. I consider my husband to be my confidant in every matter. I went and it helped. It was a relief to share with a neutral someone how I was feeling and what I could try to relieve the burden of my anxiety. If you've ever wondered if therapy could help you, I encourage you to go. Search for someone you feel comfortable with that really listens to you. I also encourage you to seek medication if you feel like it will help and/or a therapist/psychiatrist thinks it's a good idea. I did not use any, but I would have if I became any more desperate for it to go away. It felt all consuming. The most important thing is to start feeling better. Medication doesn't have to be permanent. Regardless of its permanence in your life, it should never cause you guilt or worthlessness. You are more important than stigma around therapy and medication! Take care of yourself!
3. I never stopped driving. Driving terrified me for about 6 months, but I never stopped. I drove my daughter to school each day and I would run errands when I felt up to it. I never volunteered to drive if I didn't have to, but had I stopped driving altogether, I would have convinced myself that I could never drive again. In July, my family and I went on a road trip. I wasn't feeling very confident about driving yet and my husband did 90% of the driving, but I spent several hours driving. The first 15 minutes would be horrific, but it always eased. The driving really helped me feel confident again.
I know I'm blessed because I feel better. I know many people struggle every day with those same feelings and worse. I know that my story pales in comparison with others. But, my story is my story and it felt very significant in my life. I have no doubt that I'll run into anxiety again, but I hope that I have some better tools if and when it returns.
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