In 2006, the students and staff at Arvada High School lost a teacher, coach, mentor, friend, and colleague to suicide. As one of his students, I had no idea that Mr. Smith struggled with suicide ideation. He was constantly happy, making people laugh, and encouraging others everywhere he went. He was voted favorite teacher by the student population in 2005. Jonathan White, another teacher at Arvada High School at the time commented, "Not as a ubiquitous rule, but in the case of Terry's life and death, Jess Scott[author of The Darker Side of Life] said, ‘The brightest light casts the darkest shadow". The students at the high school were in shock when they found out the news of his death. I remember that day as one of the most distinct days of my entire high school experience. I believe we were permitted to stay in the halls and talk to each other instead of going to class. It was a special week of sorts. I remember it was our school’s Powder Puff football game and the juvenile merriment seemed just that – juvenile and out of place. I am certain that if we had known that he would no longer be around we would have shared how much his support meant to us when we had the opportunity.
Teachers, please know that your influence reaches far beyond where you think it does. Your influence on students can uplift a student much more than you give yourselves credit for. Thank you for the hard work you have done, especially this year. You mean more to your students than they will express.
I’ve heard that you shouldn’t wait to express your feelings about someone until after they are gone. Though many may have shared bits and pieces with Mr. Smith before he passed, there were many things left unsaid. Sharing our thoughts with him postmortem will have to suffice for now.
Mr. Smith (Smith, Terry),
The impact you make each day on us is still profound even though you have been gone for 14 years. So many of those that knew you want to express how much they miss you and how thankful they are for being touched by you during your life. Your unique style of teaching allowed for grace in the classroom that enabled your students to feel that they had something to contribute. And, there was seldom a day in your class that was without genuine laughter.
I think about you frequently. Especially think about you and Mr. White yelling to each other from across the hall. You were such an amazing soul! Kayla Newton
Man, you always had time for anyone whether they were struggling in or out of school. Could always make anyone smile. I’ll never forget your velociraptor impersonation. Cody B. Clark
I miss the poetry quotes you would share with me. Miss you, Mr. Smith. Ashley Harris
You showed me Hamlet as told on the street by Shel Silverstein…and after that I knew I had a person that I could get along with. Riley Dell
Students that attended your classes had varying beliefs, cultures, backgrounds, hopes, and dreams. And yet, your influence knew no boundaries. From underperformers to over achievers, students of all backgrounds continue to have positive memories of how you treated them and the confidence you helped them to gain. To the unaware, you were just a high school English teacher, but to those that knew you best, you were and still are a champion of all of your students, particularly the underdog, the depressed, the lonely, the despondent.
I think about you often... You helped me through some of the most difficult shit. Sadie McGarry
Miss you every day. You taught me some very valuable lessons and you are completely the reason I graduated and am who I am today. Nic Hernandez
I was a member of AHS's speech and debate team and served as debate captain for the 2005-2006 school year. You were my favorite teacher and a person I considered a close friend and mentor. You taught me to play guitar in guitar club and pushed me to succeed in one of the hardest times in my life when my family shattered…. I am now going back to school for my bachelor's in entertainment business. I
wouldn't have sought this without your encouragement when you were living…Mr. Smith, I love you and miss you. I hope I've made you proud. James Nay
You just had an innate way of sensing sadness in others and doing all you could to lift them up and help them feel better. You were funny! You always could make me laugh. Elizabeth McKeough
You read The Fall of Freddie the Leaf out loud in class a few days before you took your life. It helped me not only come to terms with your death and several others, as well as my struggle with suicide ideation, but most of all - - the death of one of my most cherished friends who died by suicide. I got that book shortly after your passing and it's been with me ever since, all these years…and I re-read it when I need to cope… Marcella Coloma
Oh I miss you! I was an absolute wreck when I heard the news, I needed to leave the school actually. You are still SO missed... Chelsea Lukow
I had good grades, but not a whole lot of confidence. I think you knew that about me. You supported me in my extra-curricular activities, you came to performances,
you coached my terrible Scottish accent for Brigadoon, and you made me feel like I was important with something to contribute to the world. I worked harder for you than most of my other teachers because I respected you because you respected me. I always appreciated feeling that I was a blank slate in your classroom. I didn't carry any previous judgments that other teachers may have had. I was just allowed to be me. In my yearbook, you wrote that I would need to stay true to myself as I navigated the stormy waters of young adulthood. You wrote that I was wonderfully enough. That was something I really needed to hear. Chelsea Ronan
Your example of encouragement and patience even with people you may not have seen eye to eye with continues to encourage us to do the same, to look beyond appearances and labels, and to extend our best efforts. I’m sure we were difficult at times to manage, stubborn and lazy in our work, even frenetic with the lifestyle teenagers tend to carry. And yet, you managed to hold us to the highest of standards in class and with each other.
You had a way of encouraging people’s uniqueness and individuality...I remember just going to your classroom to hangout and talk with you. You knew what to do to cheer people up and how to encourage them to be their best selves possible. We’d go to debate tournaments and students from other schools even knew who you were and would search you out to say hi and you always remembered who they were despite the hundreds of students at the tournaments. You had my older brother as a student and despite how much trouble I know he caused, you always found the good in him…You spent time out of your busy days doing anything you could to make your students feel like they were important and you gave them your undivided attention… Angelina Pietro
You are still to this day one of the best teachers I have ever had. You are the reason I love to learn new things…You also instilled your love of Mountain Dew in all of us…I remember you coming into my senior English class and reading us Oh, The Places You’ll Go, by Dr. Seuss. That book had so much more meaning to me after you read it to us before we graduated. I was in my Freshman year of college in my English class of all places when I got the call that you had committed suicide. I was completely devastated. I wish you would have known the impact you had on your students. You truly were an amazing man. Kristin Dreiling
You made an impact on my life by believing in me so much that it instilled confidence in me like I’d never had. Your willingness to invest in my education and help me hone my debate skills encouraged me to be willing to invest in myself and to put myself out there and give “it” a try! Alessandra Vitale
You kicked me out of your class and called me a punk. You were correct! Cuvo York I met you first as my English teacher. After getting to know me a bit more, you convinced me to join the Debate and Forensics team. You described the debate team like it was an elite club of weirdos who liked proving themselves right through civilized arguing. You were spot on, so I joined immediately! Joining the debate team meant also joining the forensics team, which was an equally elite yet different set of weirdos led by none other than Mr. White. I quickly found that you and Mr. White were more than mere co-coaches of a high school team. You were great friends who complimented each other in wit and humor. Like a bicameral super brain...You both took time to get to know who I was and see who I could become. You gave me tools and opportunities for me to reach that potential and then coached me through the process. If I hadn't met you and Mr. White, I would have never gained the confidence to later become a missionary in the Marshall Islands to share my faith with people in a different language and culture, or even now, take time to teach my children in a way they can understand. Because of the help I received from you and other great men like you, I am who I am today. Thank you Mr. Smith and Mr. White! Dan Rix
A common yearbook phrase is “make your mark”. We all have the desire to make a difference in this world. We want people to recognize and remember the things we did or said that contribute in a positive way. Mr. Smith, you have left your mark on each of us; an indelible impression that we cannot erase. We are grateful for the life you led and the example you set. We are motivated knowing that we are part of your team. Though you may not be able to run with us or stand on the sideline and see the race, we’ve taken up your baton and we will carry it to the finish line.
Sincerely,
Your Students
Changing the Way We View Mental Health
I have often wondered how Mr. Smith's mental state could have been so low considering the high praise his students had for him. From the outside, he appeared to know exactly where he was going and how to happily get there. I would assert that there are many others like Mr. Smith, who may seem to know exactly where they are going, who feel they would disappoint you if you knew they were struggling with depression. Perhaps, it is these people who feel they need to put a happy face on to help others that have really found it difficult to truly take care of their own mental health. Expecting ourselves or others to always have the answer or respond optimistically is unrealistic. As James Nay relates, "I am diagnosed with depression. I nearly followed in Terry's footsteps last year. If you struggle with mental health, I encourage you to seek treatment. Mental health needs to be normalized, as well as treatment".
I've talked about the importance of mental health before on my blog. If you are thinking that you don't need therapy or medication because you aren't suicidal, your life isn't that bad, or because you should be able to figure it out on your own, please know that mental health care is better used as prevention than it is for recovery. Your situation is unique and there are a variety of options that could fit your needs. Taking action before your circumstances become overwhelming is necessary for good mental health and there is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about when you are taking time for yourself. If you have reached an overwhelming place in your life, please find help. Alessandra Vitale comments, "To anyone who is struggling with mental health- you truly don’t know how much you mean to your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers! None of those people’s lives would be the same without you in it!". Another of Mr. Smith's students, Riley Dell, shares, "...about 18 months ago I was involuntarily committed to a mental health hospital. I've been at the bottom. If someone is at that point they should know there are people who want them to live. Call the national suicide hot line, or walk into a crisis center. Get help, because once you are on the path there is an end. And maybe its medications and therapy or maybe it's an environmental change, but start talking about it so we can figure it out".
There is more that we can do for our friends and family members who may be struggling with their own mental health. Dan Rix offers, "The passing of Mr. Smith was shocking and devastating at the time. I never had pictured him to struggle with mental illness or thoughts of suicide. I saw him as a happy guy, but through the years and my own experiences, I have seen people are deeper than they appear. I've heard it said that if you imagine everyone around you is struggling with a serious issue, you'll be right half the time. That estimate is probably too low. What I've learned is that sympathy and empathy are qualities the human race needs a lot more of...Imagine if we communicated compassionately with everyone we met by listening and trying to understand them, not in a patronizing way, but with real intent. We would become sounding boards and listening ears. We might even at times be given the right things to say. Just like Mr. Smith and Mr. White, we could influence others for good through simply listening to and caring for them". I second his suggestion. We have the ability to shape our world, Mr. Smith taught his students that. Now it is time to go and do. See individuals like Mr. Smith did. And then get involved the way he did too. If we can impact one person the way Mr. Smith impacted each of his students, this world will be a better place.